Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
