I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Sober January is a disaster.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
