You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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