he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
