with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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