A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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