M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
He shit in the fireplace
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
