Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
