we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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