I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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