I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
