So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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