I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
