I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
