Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
