im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just found puke in my bra..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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