New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
