I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
