i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You may now shotgun with the bride
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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