I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The feeling are messing with the penis
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
