I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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