you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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