At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize