before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
