Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
