he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
