Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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