ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
