Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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