Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
