swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
