I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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