the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
