he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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