Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
