Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize