Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i need an iv and a liver transplant
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
