Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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