so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize