So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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