I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize