i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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