mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
