I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
