how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize