he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
