I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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