...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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