if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize