im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
