I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
