Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
