I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize