But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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