He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
