I'm laying in your front yard are you home
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
