can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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