ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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