Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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