I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
