I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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