i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
