I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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