It's Friday. Sex?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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