Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
