My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
