You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
